Dear Tom and Ray:

I have no car problem. My wife, Elaine, is the problem. She has many
driving quirks. I'll name the three I consider most annoying. The speed
limit on our road is 35 mph. She goes 35 the moment she gets to the end
of the driveway. I told her to start slowly, and drive gently, at least
until she gets to the light, which is about half a mile away. She says
that logic applied to cars in the Model-T days, but not anymore.

Her second quirk is that most streets in our town have speed limits of
25 to 35 mph. She drives at the full speed limit even if there's a red
light a block ahead. She won't let up on the gas until she's a
car-length from the light, then she slams on the brakes. When I tell her
to slow down sooner, she says that with disc brakes and ABS, there's no
need to slow down before you stop.

Finally, the third quirk is the most annoying. She cuts her right turns
so close that she always drags the rear right wheel over the curb. I
told her to swing out to the left to avoid dragging the rear wheel over
the curb. She says with front-wheel drive, she does not push the wheel
over the curb, but pulls it over, so there is no harm in that. She is
stubborn and will never change. What do you suggest I do? -- Cy

TOM: Wow, Cy! She sounds like a beast! We're usually sympathizing with
wives about what animals their husbands are, but your wife sounds like a
real knuckle-scraper! What a burden you have to bear, Cy.

RAY: Needless to say, every single one of the driving behaviors you
describe is bad for the car. But she doesn't believe you, so I don't
know why she'll believe us when we say it.

TOM: And since she's stubborn, Cy, it sounds like you have only one
choice. You have to become a saint. That's what my wife had to do.

RAY: Mine, too. So smile at her, buy her a new car every two or three
years when she wrecks the one she's got, and hope you'll be repaid in
your next life. You have our sympathies, Cy.

* * *

TOM: Hey, do you think you're taking good care of your car? Are you
sure?

RAY: If you're like many of our customers, you may be ruining your car
without even knowing it. Yes, even you! Find out how. Send for your copy
of our informative pamphlet, "Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car
Without Even Knowing It!"
TOM: Send $3 and a stamped (55 cents), self-addressed, No.10 envelope to
Ruin No.1, PO Box 6420, Riverton, NJ 08077-6420.