An Ode to the Colonel
Dearly beloved, we gather here today to celebrate the life and loss of the esteemed Colonel, the chariot that has carried me across many a pot-hole ridden avenue in southeastern Michigan. A sleek black Buick LeSabre forged in the year 2004 with a spacious interior, it was not uncommon for heads to turn as it rumbled diligently down Woodward. As it aged, however, it lost some of its innate swagger, replaced instead by a reliability the likes of which can only be found amongst a roll of duct tape or a bottle of WD-40. While listening to WDET, The Colonel finally met its end in the waning of 2023, at the hands of Detroit’s most notorious pothole, leaving the wheel-well shattered and my heart broken.
No car is without problems, and the Colonel was no different. Always an old-fashioned car, it preferred to stay well under 80 MPH, remembering a time when the interstates only went up to fifty-five. In an effort to further my education, the Colonel decided to break its own gas gauge, forcing me to use algebra in order to find out how far I could go with each tank (about 225 miles). But even with these glaring issues, and some others involving windshield wipers and a rogue forklift that smashed into the passenger side door, the Colonel was still my first car, and for that I will always be grateful.
Crystal donated a 2004 Buick LeSabre to WDET through the Car Talk Vehicle Donation Program.
Thank you, Crystal!