Dear Tom and Ray:

My loser friend keeps asking me to jump-start his loser car. I've done it about
five times now and I'm about ready to tell him where he can put his jumper
cables. Is my battery going to suffer from all of this jump-starting? My Honda
Civic is 3 years old and I haven't had to replace the battery yet, but I'm
starting to worry. Is there some technical, car-lingo-laden excuse I can give
him for why I can't help him out next time his junk heap dies? -- Brad

RAY: Unfortunately, no, Brad. Jump-starting someone else's car is just like
donating a pint of blood. A few days later, you'd never know it happened.

TOM: It's just like starting your own car one more time. So it hardly makes a
difference in the life of your battery.

RAY: That doesn't mean we can't help you, though, Brad. If he's outworn his
welcome, we'll be happy to help you make up a technical-sounding excuse.

TOM: Tell him that electron drain during a jump-start is magnified by Avogadro's
number, and the tie-in between Coulombs Law and the Hiesenberg Uncertainty
Principle makes it unwise to perform any more than five jump-starts in a given
year. Then throw in some reference to global warming and violations of the
Southeast Asian Treaty Organization, and he should get the idea.

RAY: Or just tell him you're watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he should
check the Yellow Pages under "AAA."