Dear Tom and Ray:

As the proud owner of a '57 Chevy pickup, I have utilized and appreciated your
technical prowess and humor. Your efforts have helped me, and obviously
countless others, deal with the love-hate relationships that are inevitable in
motor vehicle ownership. A problem has arisen, through no fault of your own. My
local newspaper has started running your column in the weekly Food section, and
whenever I read it now, I get hungry. Is there anything you can do? -- Harry

RAY: Harry, we were just about to toss your silly little letter into the garbage
can. But then we realized that it presents us with a great opportunity to print
one of the most tasteless attempts at humor anyone has sent us in weeks!

TOM: And I'm sure that printing it -- a "menu" from the so-called Road Kill Cafe
-- will succeed in suppressing your appetite.

RAY: We should warn all of our sophisticated readers that the following is in
poor taste.

TOM: If you are reading this over breakfast, you may want to skip right now to
some more-appetizing section of today's newspaper, like "Answers About Acne."

RAY: OK, Harry. According to the menu that one of our alert readers sent us, the
Road Kill Cafe serves up Slab of Lab, Shar-Pei Fillet and Poodles With Noodles.

TOM: Rounding out the canine portion of the menu, they've also got German
Shepherd's Pie and the ever-popular Collie Hit by a Trolley.

RAY: In terms of wild game, you've got your Smear of Deer, your Smidgen of
Pigeon, your Road Toad a la Mode and your perfectly aged Rigor Mortis Tortoise.

TOM: And, if you haven't lost your appetite by now, Harry, why not go for my
personal favorite, "Chicken that Didn't Cross the Road"?!

* * *

If you want to ruin your car, we have 10 ways for you to do it. If you don't
want to ruin your car, we have "Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without
Even Knowing It!" You can order the booklet by sending $3 and a self-addressed,
stamped (55 cents) No.10 envelope to Ruin No. 1, P.O. Box 6420, Riverton, NJ
08077-6420.